Ask the therapist: How do I deal with negative people in my life?

In the “Consulting Therapist” series, I will answer all your questions about mental health and psychology. Whether you are struggling with a mental health condition, coping with anxiety about living conditions, or just seeking the insights of a therapist, you can submit a question. Please pay attention to my answers to your questions in the Healthy Mind newsletter every Friday.

Our readers ask

When I share good news with some friends or family members, they will immediately point out the negative news. Or, when I asked them how they were doing, they would just list all the bad things that happened in the world. How do I get along with the negative people in my life?

Amy’s answer

Sharing good news is just for opponents to remind you that everything that can go wrong is not fun, and dealing with negative comments is generally frustrating. Although you cannot change the people around you, there are steps you can take to respond to them in a positive way.

Provide feedback about your experience

If there is a specific person in your life who always points out a potential flaw in your active planning, point it out gently.

You might say, “When I tell you how excited I am about this new job, your response is to tell me that I might hate everything about working for this company.” Simply point out that observations like this might improve Someone’s consciousness. After all, they may be so negative that they don’t even realize they are doing it.

They may also think they are doing you a favor. Someone might say, “I don’t want you to fall into this situation naively, so I have to do a reality check of everything that can go wrong.” Even if their hearts may be in the right place, their negative attitudes are unlikely to have help.

Pursuit of beauty

If someone always tells you all the bad things that happened in their lives, you might change the subject by pursuing good things. Ask a similar question, “What is the best part of your day today?” or “What good things have happened in your life now?”

You can also talk about the good things in your life. Acknowledge that some things are not so good, but also emphasize the importance of paying attention to some good things.

The idea that you can talk about exciting topics may be a revelation for some people. For those who find they can connect through mutual sympathy, the idea that you can celebrate positive things together may be a new idea.

Say in advance what you need

You may find it sometimes helpful to say what you want before starting a conversation. It may sound like this, “I know there may be some problems with this plan. But hearing these things now does not help me. When I tell you what I am doing, it would be great to hear some positive things.”

When you ask them to avoid reminding you of being negative, some people will change their attitude. But to be sure, not everyone can do this. You may have some friends and family members who cannot cheer you on for some reason.

However, it is worth a try. Tell people what you hope to gain by sharing your news-a little spiritual support, a little cheering, or just admitting that you are doing something new.

They reflect themselves, not your chances of success

It’s hard to hear negative things all the time. It may even have a serious impact on your mental health. The negative emotions of other people may reflect their perceptions of themselves, rather than facts about you or your chances of success. Keeping this in mind may help you look at negative reviews from a healthy perspective.

People who think the world is terrible may point out all the things that might go wrong. People who feel bad about themselves are likely to say negative things about others.

Establish healthy boundaries

You may decide that it is best to establish some healthy boundaries for yourself. This may mean restricting your interaction with certain people. This may include ending the call when the call becomes too negative, or it may involve ending the friendship altogether.

You may decide that it is best to keep your distance from some people. Tell them only the information you want them to have, and limit your contact with them.

Sad the relationship you wish you had

Of course, these things are not easy to do when you care about a person. If you have a parent who does not support you or a sibling who will never be happy for you, it is normal to experience sadness when you accept that they cannot provide you with what you need.

It is sad to accept the fact that your loved one cannot cheer you on, support you or provide help when you need it. You may find that you have been hoping that they will change.

Although they may change in the future, you may need to accept what they are now-they cannot be a positive person in your life.

Hope there are some people who support you in your life and they can be happy for you. If you don’t have one, find some. It is important for all of us to have some happy, healthy people who can cheer us on in life.