When considering a long-term and loyal relationship, love is the top priority. In fact, 88% of Americans said that love is the most important reason for considering marriage.We want to feel loved and loved by our partner.
Interpersonal relationships are facing unprecedented pressure. In addition to the long-term pressures of finances, life changes, and family dynamics, couples also face the challenges of emotional bonding and maintaining close relationships.
When we do not experience this connection in our relationship, we will seek comfort, assurance, and closeness from our partners, and will feel hurt. Partners may find themselves in an unhealthy disconnected pattern, and over time begin to think they should no longer be together.
Separated before divorce
The American Psychological Association (APA) estimates that the divorce rate in the United States has remained stable, between 40% and 50%.
When couples find that their relationship is in trouble, they may think that the matter is over and cannot be cured or repaired. However, it may be reasonable and beneficial for couples to consider separation when determining the next steps to be taken in the marriage.
Divorce rate may drop
The divorce rate seems to be declining due to the following reasons:
- Couples choose to live together instead of getting married
- Increasing number of couples participating in counselling together
- People wait until they get older to get married
Selective trial separation
For couples who are struggling in a relationship but are not sure whether the next step is suitable for divorce, tentative separation may be an option. When partners are not getting along, they may choose to live in a different place because they try to cope with the challenges they encounter in themselves and in their relationship.
Some people think that tentative separation is an act of “going out with one foot” and a stepping stone to divorce or the eventual end of a relationship. Every couple is different, and there are many reasons for entering a trial divorce. For these couples, divorce is not inevitable.
In fact, during this period of separation between partners, relationship counseling can bring great benefits and can to some extent get rid of the unhealthy patterns they experience with each other when they are living together.
How to suggest consultation
You may want to know if there is a suitable time to consult with your partner to see if they are willing to go with you. The reality is that the best time to ask is when you think the consultation can help you build a relationship. When you are separated but still believe that couples counseling is beneficial to your relationship, the rewards of inviting your partner to participate in counseling may outweigh the risks.
So, what do you ask your partner? Remember, the most common reason that prevents people from entering the counseling process is fear. You or your partner may be afraid of experiencing more emotional pain in the process, or may be seen as a “bad person” or a “broken person.”
Take a moment to reflect on your own fears about the counseling process and what your partner might worry about in the beginning.Leave space for the two of you to talk about these issues publicly, and if possible, try to research the counselor together and find someone you both feel comfortable with.
Find your consultant
There are many counselors and other clinicians who say that they work with couples but are not always sufficiently trained in this professional work, so before choosing a counselor for your unique situation, doing some research will help you It helps.
A major factor to consider is the training of counselors, especially training related to marriage and relationship counseling. You will want to know that the consultant you choose will be able to understand the subtle state of the relationship, while at the same time being able to help you calm and navigate the waters of relationship healing and repair.
Don’t be afraid to contact several different consultants in your area and ask questions about the services they provide.
Questions from consultants:
- Do you feel comfortable working with separated couples?
- Do you specialize in marriage and interpersonal relationships?
- How long have you worked with your couple?
- When we start consulting with you, what can we expect?
- What is your training in relationship counseling?
Taking the time to ask such questions to your counselor can give you a better understanding of their professional training, their experience working with couples, and how they can help you and your partner during this challenging time.
Benefits of Separation Counseling
Marriage consultant Dana Vince, MA, LPC, MHSP said that couples can experience many benefits through counseling when they are separated. For couples who still live together, she shared, “Consultation can help you understand the patterns that led to this place, and how to gain clarity and growth from experience, so as to avoid the recurrence of old patterns.”
Ms. Vince pointed out that, especially for couples with serious conflicts, separation can help ease the conflict and make relationship counseling a safe space to start dealing with what is happening in their dynamics. She shared, “Consultation can also help bring clarity and calm to difficult decisions about this relationship.”
If you and your partner are currently separated, relationship counseling may provide you with some of the following services:
- A guide to managing a smooth transition home
- Opportunities to alleviate existing conflicts
- Professional help to heal and repair relationships
- Reconciliation to establish a strong and healthy relationship
- Watch and listen to how conflict affects each partner’s safe space
- A sense of hope for reconnecting
- A space to deal with challenging emotions around the next steps
- It’s time to understand what could cause the disconnection
- Trustworthy guidance to deal with difficult decisions about relationships
Very good sentence
Couples who are separated, or close to the place of separation, are undoubtedly in a difficult situation. The emotions of each partner may be high, but hopes for change and improvement are low.
Couples counseling can provide you and your partner with enough space and time to decide what next steps to take in your relationship.With the help of a trained marriage counselor, treatment and restoration may be an option.