How to deal with the death of the mother

The death of a mother is one of the most difficult things that most people will experience in their lives. Whether your relationship is good, bad, or somewhere in between, this event can have a major impact on your life.

In a survey, Between 20% and 30% of participants said that losing a loved one was the most painful event in their life—even among people who reported 11 or more traumatic events in their lives. For this group, 22% of people still list the loss of a loved one as their most painful event.

Why is the mother’s death so difficult

Whether you are grieving for the death of the mother who gave birth to you or the mother (or the image of a mother) who brought you up, you are either grieving for your bond or for the bond you wish to have.

British psychologist John Bowlby believes that children are naturally motivated to seek attachment to caregivers. Although others before him believed that attachment was caused by food, he believed that attachment was formed based on nurturing and reaction.

Therefore, it makes sense that sadness of this kind of attachment—or lack of attachment—will be very difficult.

Mothers are an indispensable part of our social life, partly because we did not grow up in communities with various caregivers,” said Liz Schmitz-Binnall, a psychologist who studies mother loss and recovery.

Her research paid special attention to adult women who lost their mothers in childhood, and found that their adaptability scores were lower than those of adult women who did not lose their mothers.

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She said that she had seen many people have poor relationships with their mothers, but was surprised by their grieving reactions after their mothers passed away.

How the death of a mother affects someone

Although the mother’s loss is different from other losses in some key ways, some of the same effects come from any There is some kind of loss or bereavement. Some typical sad thoughts and feelings:

  • Shock
  • numbness
  • sad
  • Doubt
  • Puzzled
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • anger

What is less known is that in addition to the more well-known mental or spiritual signs, sadness can also be manifested physically. In your body, sadness may look like:

  • Digestive problems
  • Energy loss
  • nervous
  • sleep disorder
  • Weight change
  • nervous

Risk of mental illness

However, in other cases, even for those without a history of mental illness, the loss of a loved one can cause mental health disorders. A study found that in addition to discovering a new link between mania and loss, the risk of the following diseases also increases:

  • Major depression
  • Panic Disorder
  • Post-traumatic disorder

Especially among adults over 70:

  • Manic episode
  • phobia
  • Alcohol use disorder
  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder

What is a complicated bereavement?

All grief is complicated, but after losing someone, many people are able to slowly re-adapt their daily life (or create a new daily life). If it has been at least a year and your daily functions are still significantly affected, mental health experts may call it complex or complicated bereavement.

(Note: The current clinical name is persistent complex bereavement, but the American Psychiatric Association recently approved the name to be changed to chronic grief.)

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Some signs of long-term sadness are that the following symptoms still significantly affect your daily functions after 12 months:

In one study, 65% of participants had complex grief I thought about suicide after losing a loved one. Therefore, if you or someone you know who is sad has suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone. This is not uncommon for what you are going through.

If you have suicidal thoughts but feel that you can be safe, you should consult a mental health professional. If these thoughts become unbearable and you are in imminent danger of harming yourself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 to get the support of counselors trained in this area.

How to cure mother’s death

When loss is fresh, it feels like you will always have that feeling-but you won’t.

“If you allow yourself to grieve, if others allow you to grieve,” Schmitz-Binner said, “you may notice that in the first few months after your mother’s death, the really strong emotions diminish. ”

She said that while most people intuitively realize that losing their mother can be difficult, they don’t realize how difficult it is—or how long it will take. “People in our society often think that we can spend grief and end it in a month.”

Even if we do not recognize these feelings, it does not mean that they do not exist and will not affect our lives in any way.

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Liz Schmitz-Binner

After suffering heavy losses, too many people prematurely urge us to “live prematurely”. We need to be able to grieve, but… we also need to adjust our expectations of ourselves.

— Liz Schmitz-Binner

Some of her suggestions:

  • Feel feel
  • Or make yourself feel nothing
  • Talk about your feelings
  • Kill time by yourself
  • Spend time with others
  • Talk to her (what it means to you and your beliefs in any way—may include writing to her.)

Talk to professionals

After a major loss like this, treatment may help. Although most therapists work with grief because this is one of the most common life experiences, there are also therapists who specialize in working with grief clients. To find one, search for a grief therapist or grief counselor in your area.

Find community

Since sadness feels like an isolated experience, many people find comfort in support groups, whether face-to-face or online support groups. If you are a woman who has lost her mother, you may be interested in a “mother-and-daughter” community, which is both a virtual and offline party.

Very good sentence

The death of a mother is one of the most painful things a person can experience. If you are currently grieving for your mother, please give yourself grace. Regardless of whether your relationship with her is good, whether it is the actual relationship you have or the relationship you wish to have, there will always be sadness.


How to deal with the death of the mother
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