When he grows up, my father will cut pineapples and leave small pieces in the refrigerator. Each piece is pricked with a toothpick, because he knows pineapple is my favorite fruit. I didn’t know it at the time, but my father expressed his love through service. He will drive my car without prior notice and fill it up. He would spend hours washing windows, shining shoes, and running to the grocery store. This is how he showed me his love and affection.
The linguistic definition of love
Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five languages of love Delve into the power of conveying love in intimate and platonic relationships.He explained that each of us gives and receives love in different ways. Of the five languages (service behavior, quality time, affirmation, physical contact, and acceptance of gifts), we tend to prefer one language to others.
In terms of intimacy, service behavior is the best language. It can be described as doing things for your partner that you know they will like, such as cheering for them, watering plants, or cooking for them.
When you provide service behavior, you give up your time. This nonverbal form of love can be time-consuming and laborious, but if this is what your partner needs, then the effort is worth the effort.
Act of providing services
If you are sure that your partner prefers service behavior, then you are one step closer to making your partner feel loved (assuming you love your partner, you should want them to feel that way). Regardless of whether you are willing to provide services by nature, know that anyone can learn this language of love.
When performing service behaviors, you can perform the following four things:
- Pay attention to the small things: what your partner wants to do next trip together, how much sugar your partner puts in the morning coffee, when does your partner’s favorite show air, etc. If you don’t remember, take notes.
- Think about your partner no like doing. If your partner complains about taking out the trash, researching financial terms, cleaning the space between the wall and the dressing table, or walking the dog, then you can complete these tasks for your partner. If your partner doesn’t like dealing with cable companies, please take the initiative to bear the monthly cable costs.
- Focus on behaviors that you can easily adapt to your schedule. Follow your partner’s calendar every week to see if you can add service behaviors. Maybe your partner has limited time between the morning exercise and the first work meeting. Plan to prepare coffee and breakfast and wait.
- Use your strengths. If you know what your partner does not know, please provide your service. For example, if you are more handy than your partner, focus on the work of a handyman, such as changing your partner’s oil or repairing a broken light bulb in the bathroom.
Even if your partner prefers another language of love, service behavior is good for every healthy relationship. According to a 2016 study conducted by the Pew Research Center, more than half of married couples believe that sharing housework is an important factor in a successful marriage.Whether or not this is part of the language of your love, it is important to make sure that you and your partner are satisfied with the work you do at home.
If you prefer the act of receiving service over all other love languages, then it is important to tell your partner this. When you ask for what you want, make sure you are kind and patient. Service behavior is not always easy to do. You should not assume that your partner will do everything you ask for just because you prefer service behavior.
In many cases, service behavior can be a language of love that is difficult to implement because it takes a lot of time and is often preparation. Maybe your partner is studying for a PhD and cannot focus on any behavior. Maybe your partner has finished a long day at work and comes home very late just to give you 30 minutes of a good time without a TV or smartphone.
Try and cherish these efforts, realizing that your partner may love you even if they cannot perform service behaviors that day or week.
Understand the love words of your partner
If your preferred language is Quality Time, but your partner has been focusing on service behavior, you may feel underestimated when your partner spends time cleaning your car instead of focusing on you. Make sure that you and your partner understand your preferences in advance and find a way to work together to achieve a common desired result. For example, if your partner likes you to cook, maybe you can start by preparing breakfast for them every week.
Very good sentence
You don’t have to speak the same love language to have a lasting, fulfilling relationship. You just need to know how to communicate your needs with your partners, no matter what those needs are. Communication is a key part of every healthy relationship, and this is especially important if you want to build a lasting relationship with your spouse or any loved ones.