What is a stone wall?

What is a stone wall?

Obstruction includes refusing to communicate with others. Deliberate closure during an argument, also known as silent treatment, can hurt, frustrate, and damage the relationship.

Obstruction is widely described as the following behavior:

  • General discomfort when discussing feelings
  • Eliminate or minimize the worries of others
  • Refuse to answer questions
  • Refuse to make eye contact or provide nonverbal communication prompts
  • Stay away from stressful discussions

Obstruction is rarely effective. Moreover, if it becomes a habit, it will reduce the couple’s ability to resolve conflicts or interact intimately.of

This article discusses how to identify obstruction, the cause of this behavior, and the destructive effects it can have on interpersonal relationships. It also covers some steps that can be taken when dealing with this issue.

Signs of obstruction

Many times, the obstruction in a relationship is obvious. However, it can also be subtle, and you may not realize that you or your partner is participating in this behavior. Signs of obstruction may include:

  • Ignore what the other person is saying
  • Change the subject to avoid uncomfortable topics
  • Rushed out without saying a word
  • Come up with a reason not to speak
  • Refuse to answer questions
  • Blame instead of talking about current problems
  • Use dismissive body language, such as rolling or closing your eyes
  • Participate in passive aggressive behavior, such as procrastination or procrastination, to avoid talking about the problem
  • Refusal to admit obstruction


Obstruction is not always easy to identify. Refusing to talk, avoiding talking, ignoring the other person, and giving someone silent treatment are some signs of this behavior.


Although obstruction can be harmful, you don’t have to think that it is malicious in nature. In essence, obstruction is usually a behavior that stems from fear, anxiety, and frustration. Some of the reasons a person may resort to obstruction include:

  • General avoidance of conflict (passive emotions)
  • Hope to relieve tension in an emotional situation
  • Really believe that they “cannot handle” a topic
  • Fear that their partner’s reaction or conversation may cause
  • Believe that their partner does not want to resolve the conflict
  • Potential despair unable to find a solution
  • A means to keep oneself neutral on the subject
  • A way to view your partner as “emotional” or “unreasonable”
  • A means of manipulating the situation so that they can get what they want
  • A means to bring the situation into crisis, either to cause greater dissatisfaction in the conflict or to end a relationship completely

Obstruction is usually a strategy learned in childhood. This may be an act used by their parents to “maintain the peace” or to gain a dominant position in the family hierarchy.

Even if obstruction seems deliberate and aggressive, remember that it is often used by people who feel powerless or have low self-worth. In this case, obstruction may be a defense mechanism to compensate for these feelings.

Studies have shown that men are more likely to obstruct, partly because social roles place women in the position of communicators and require men to be “strong and silent.”

Types of stone walls

Obstruction can appear in a relationship in several different ways. These include:

  • Unintentional obstruction: Sometimes obstruction is a learned response used by partners to deal with difficult or emotional problems. The obstructing person may do this to avoid escalating arguments or to avoid discussing uncomfortable topics. They may also be afraid of their partner’s reaction.
  • Deliberate obstruction: In extreme cases, obstruction is used to manipulate the situation, maintain control of the relationship, or impose punishment. If you think your partner is abusing you, please consult a counselor or therapist for advice.

There are also healthy behaviors that may be mistaken for obstruction. It is important to note that obstruction is not the same as requiring space or setting boundaries. Request time or space requires communication. When your partner asks to discuss something later, they want to return to the conversation, they are not obstructing you.

If obstruction is used to control, belittle, disrespect or belittle the other person, it may be emotional abuse. In this case, you should seek help from a mental health professional.

Impact on relationship

Whatever the root cause, obstruction will destroy the relationship. Partners who are obstructed often feel degraded or abused. They may even begin to question their own self-worth.

In addition, keeping someone away usually exacerbates situations that they should have avoided. It either forces confrontation, or frustration develops to the point where regrettable things have been said or done.

Some researchers believe that obstruction is a key predictor of divorce.of

Obstructive behavior indicates unwillingness to resolve issues that are critical to maintaining the relationship. Other studies have shown that this behavior has a direct physiological impact on both parties.

A 2016 study followed 156 couples for 15 years and concluded that obstruction is related to acute musculoskeletal symptoms, such as back pain, neck stiffness, and general muscle aches. In contrast, stubborn partners are more likely to experience cardiovascular symptoms, such as increased blood pressure, tension headaches, and increased heart rate.

Overcome obstruction

If there is obstruction in your relationship, it is best to deal with it as a couple. Whether you are an obstructor or a person who is obstructed, you cannot isolate obstruction as a problem. Doing so will only blame and ultimately reduce the bigger problems in the relationship.

Because a relationship is unlikely to succeed without communication and collaboration, you need to find the right tools to “reprogram” old communication habits. This is a situation where couples counseling can help.

Couples therapy is designed to help both parties understand why obstruction occurs. As a couple, you learn to recognize behaviors or practices that lead to obstruction.

Once these are determined, you can learn a more structured communication method. Here are some elements that may be included in the strategy:

  • Accept feedback and admit wrong views or mistakes
  • Confirm what was said before starting to reply
  • If the matter is disputed, agree to postpone the conversation
  • Pay attention to body language when speaking
  • Express understanding of the situation and allow everyone to respond
  • Unzip before approaching controversial topics
  • Find a safe space where neither party will feel desperate
  • Set a time to return to the conversation after the matter is resolved
  • Use neutral words instead of criticizing or accusing

Although it may take time to get used to these technologies, they will eventually become automated. Then, you and your partner will be able to resolve the situation instead of reacting to it.


Obstruction includes avoiding talking or refusing to talk to someone. For some people, this may be a coping mechanism to reduce or avoid conflict. Others may deliberately use this strategy to manipulate or control their partner. Regardless of the reason, it will have an adverse effect on interpersonal relationships.

Very good sentence

Obstruction can have a destructive effect on relationships, but this is something that individuals and couples can work hard to overcome. Couples counseling can be a good starting point. A counselor or therapist can help you learn to spot signs of obstruction and develop healthier and more effective ways of communicating.

If your partner refuses to participate in the consultation, you may still find it helpful to talk to the therapist. A mental health professional can help you learn to cope. If you cannot find a solution, you may need to try to separate or even end the relationship.

Frequently asked questions

  • Why does obstruction destroy the relationship?

    Obstruction is a negative and destructive way of communication. It often causes people to stay away from each other, thereby damaging the emotional intimacy in the relationship. As people withdraw, it creates a sense of distance, and people in the relationship may begin to alienate.

  • How does the stone wall feel?

    It is normal for people who are obstructed to feel frustrated, angry, confused, and injured. It can have a devastating effect on a person’s self-esteem, making them feel that their relationship lacks trust and intimacy.

  • Is the stone wall a kind of gas lamp?

    When the stone wall is deliberately used to make people question their reality, it can be a kind of gas lamp. Gaslighting involves making others doubt themselves and their experiences. Being ignored can make you feel powerless and useless. You may blame yourself, or even doubt your own explanation of the situation. Because of this self-doubt, the blocked person may feel weak or unable to escape the toxic relationship.

  • Is obstruction abuse?

    When others do this deliberately and use it as a way of manipulating or controlling others, obstruction can be abusive. It may be a strategy to shift responsibility for relationship problems to another person without assuming any personal responsibility.